THE MAN WHO LOVED HESSE
BY FIREFALL
I think that what the brink needs is a hyperconservative viewpoint, like mine. As some of you may know (although it's doubtful) I'm the proud owner of a bar in Portland, Oregon called Heteronly. Myself and the patrons here are "old school." There's no gaiety here. Here we wander off to our graves with the values we've always known. We pray to the gods we grew up with and live traditional lives.
Evanid was a madman! I fought with him many, many times. He believed in a freedom that doesn't exist these days. It's the freedom of animals with room to roam. It's the freedom of starlight in the universe, the freedom of birth, death, and some lives. Evanid believed in these things. I don't! The world is not this way! We are born to live constrained lives, then die.
There are powers greater than the simplicity of our existence. My god rules here because he is mine. He is my tribe's, our god, the god of everything. Not Allah, Buddha, or any of the other manifestations of mortal mind. Evanid lost the argument because (despite his ghostly presence) he's dead. In hell, I think. So be it. Now we're working to better change American society. This nonsense about drugs, sex and gaiety is disturbing. We can't have any of this, so we've formed NAGA. This acronym is stands for Narcotics Anonymous and Gay A, which is another twelve-step program helping people recover from gaiety. There can be no doubt that there is a link between drugs and homosexuality.
Conservative research has narrowed the link to marijuana and gaiety. Like all twelve-step programs, Gay A begins with that first step: admitting you're gay. Later you must apologize to all the straight men you've tried to bugger. The full twelve steps can be seen at GayA.org. Think about it! All this liberal nonsense began in San Francisco. First the 60's drug scene, then the homosexuality. Now they even have gay retirement communities such as Homo Haven. It's an outrage! I'll be back here. Hopefully that no good ghost evanid doesn't have internet access in hell, but I'm pretty sure Comcast has laid cables there
REACTIONSAscending | Descending
As for marijuana: no good! Conservative research has clearly linked the smoking of marijuana to homosexuality. Granted, homosexuality is almost certainly genetic, but one puff of marijuana can trigger this genetic abnormality, making the abuser gay. Ask any educated physician. The evidence lies in San Francisco. What happened in that liberal city? First those hipsters showed up and the next thing you know it's a festival of buggery, just like sodomside and Gommoraheart near the Columbia River (although I think the marijuana induced gaiety and decadence spread from SF to Portland, then back to the Coast.
On a serious note: it's good to try to understand those you disagree with. In the end those religious principles I claim to adhere to include loving everyone. I think they should include loving people animals and the planet. I love to argue with evanid, but when he died I had that tattoo, in Thai script, skinned from his arm, along with the tattoo done by Bert Grimm when he was an old man. Both are hanging in frames above my bar counter. The script says: "god is love." I agree wholeheartedly. Otherwise I wouldn't have the dead skin of that miserable freak evanid anywhere near this place. He was no good! No good at all. Probably smoked, masturbated... No good! No good at all.
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